After our return home from Reno, there was a period of silence. For me, it felt a little like we were passing through the eye of a hurricane. The numerous conversations, the visit, and making our final decision were in the past. Ahead of us loomed a LOT of additional work and change. For the moment, though, things were mellow. I felt equilibrium returning.
While we were relaxing (probably floating in the pool) Washoe County kicked off the ICPC process. First, Washoe County prepared and submitted their ICPC paperwork to the State of Nevada. The State of Nevada then sent the paperwork to the State of California, who, in turn, sent it to Riverside County’s Department of Public Social Services. Then Riverside County assigned an ICPC social worker to the case, who promptly sent us a GINORMOUS packet of paperwork. This process only took about two weeks, which seems shockingly fast for something so complicated.
The packet from Riverside County included a very nice cover letter, some information about the various resources available to us, a list of requirements our home had to meet, and an exceptionally long questionnaire. The questionnaire covered a multitude of different areas, including our residential histories, work histories, relationship histories and medical histories. There was also a long section devoted entirely to essay questions, like "How were you disciplined as a child?" and "How do you solve problems?"
The questionnaire also asked us to provide several personal references. It wasn’t clear at the time, but Riverside County wanted this information so they could send THEM some documentation to complete and return.
We were also asked to provide a scale drawing of the entire home, as well as the outside areas. Go figure.
Pretty much every aspect of our lives, including the most private/personal aspects, was scrutinized for the sole purpose of evaluating our suitability as potential parents. While I definitely understand (and support) the need for this level of scrutiny-- I don't want to gloss over the depth of the information requested. For anybody considering becoming a foster/adoptive parent... BE READY. They want to see/know everything. Warts and all. Like it or not.
Thomas kicked into high "project manager mode," and we had the entire packet completed and in the mail within the next several days. :-)
Next, it was time to ensure our home was child-friendly enough to pass muster during Riverside County’s home inspection.
The first concern was the pool in our backyard. The County recommends you install a safety fence around the perimeter to block access. For renters, this is a pretty expensive solution. Thomas did a ton of diligence to see if we could find a viable solution that wouldn’t break the bank. It turns out there’s no such thing as an inexpensive perimeter fence. Laying out the money seemed premature, since we weren’t even sure the kids would be placed with us. Thomas made several calls to our Washoe County and Riverside County social workers to see if there was another acceptable solution. It turns out that door alarms meet Riverside County’s requirements, and in short order—we installed six of them. At the request of our Riverside County social worker, we later added a door knob guard to the one conventional door leading to the backyard.
Next, we needed to ensure that everything on the “dangerous stuff” list was inaccessible to the little ones. A sweep of the house revealed that wine, cleaning products, more wine, tools, kitchen utensils, medication, some more wine, and anything of an adult nature, needed to find a new home. Most of the stuff was moved to upper cabinets. The tools were re-homed to a locked utility room. Medication was protected behind a magnetic child-lock in the master bathroom. Things of an adult nature were very carefully placed in out-of-reach places.
Here’s where I need to give Thomas a whole bunch of props. They’re due. I was knee-deep in Summer quarter at CSUSB during this process, and Thomas did nearly all of the heavy lifting by himself. I helped when I could get away from my homework, but it wasn’t nearly enough. Thomas is an amazing partner, and will make a fantastic Dad.
The home inspection took place on August 20th, roughly five weeks after our Reno trip. Time flies!
We were convinced the home inspection would be some kind of white-glove walk-through of the house, where every drawer, door, and cabinet would be thoroughly examined. Far from it! Thomas and I gave the social worker a tour, where she shot several pictures of the place. The door alarms were photographed. Humphrey was photographed. Thomas and I were photographed. Then, we proceeded to the interview portion of the program.
During the interview, Thomas and I got to revisit every detail of the questionnaire we’d previously completed. I can’t speak for Thomas (especially since his past is far less “colorful” than mine), but this round of questioning was even more uncomfortable. Revealing things you’re not proud of, or things that make you uneasy, to a piece of paper is one thing. Reiterating these things to a living, breathing person is quite another. Thankfully I survived, as did Thomas.
After three hours under the microscope, the interview ended. But there was more to come!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Meeting for the Very First Time
Before Jim and I made our final decision about the prospect of becoming the foster/adoptive parents of Ronald and Angelica, we thought it was important (and smart of us) to meet them first. Even though they are my niece and nephew I had never met them before. We coordinated the visit with the social worker and decided on Monday, July 13th. I was taking Jim to see Duran Duran at the Orange County Fair on Saturday, July 11th, so it just made sense to extend our road trip up to Reno...after all it was only another nine hours of driving (each way)! In finalizing the details of the visit with the social worker she originally had us scheduled to spend five hours with the kids, from 9am to 2pm. We both felt that was a little excessive, especially for a first visit, not only for us but also for the kids, so we scaled it back to about three hours instead.
Come Saturday we loaded up Jim's car (a VW GTI 2 door w/hatchback) with our luggage in the hatchback area and Humphrey taking domain of the entire back seat. The longest Humphrey had ever been in a car was for two hours, so this was going to prove interesting. We got ourselves into Orange County easily and checked into our hotel. We had a GREAT time at the Fair (see Jim with the Llama) and at the Duran Duran concert (Jim LOVES 80's music)! That
night we got back to our hotel and decided to have a drink in the lounge before turning in for the night. Since we were staying at a pet friendly hotel (the Westin) we made sure Humphrey was able to join us for cocktail hour...sorry buddy, but no wine for the canine.
The next morning the three of us got back on the road at 11:00am and started our journey north to Reno. We decided to take highway 395 as that seemed to be a more direct route into Reno from the south rather than driving up to Sacramento and then cutting over to the east. What we didn't realize is that some parts of the highway are just one lane in each direction. Also, who knew there were so many small (don't blink!) towns in central California (and only one had a Starbucks!)?! After nine hours on the road (Jim drove the entire way!) we pulled into Reno at about 8:00pm. Even though Reno is a 24 hour town we were making an early night of it as we had to meet with the social worker at 8:30am, and a pit stop at Starbucks beforehand was going to be a requirement!
We arrived at the social worker's office at about 8:45am, due to me driving us to an address on N. Center street rather than S. Center. Apparently having lived in Reno for nine years (1979 - 1988) didn't come in handy. After a brief discussion with the social worker it was time to meet Ronald and Angelica for the very first time. Monday mornings at 9:00am is when they normally visit with their mom and dad, so when they looked up and saw us you could tell from their faces they knew something was different. The social worker made the introductions explaining that their mom and I were brother and sister just like the two of them...this still wasn't making much sense to them. But once they realized we came bearing gifts, any awkwardness or shyness disappeared rather quickly! They tore into the wrapping paper and immediately started to play with the toys (yes, they were educational) we bought for them. After that it didn't take too long before we were in their good graces...it was as if we were long lost friends being reunited.
The social worker was terrific about coming into the room every 15-20 minutes to check in on us, or maybe she was making sure we hadn't bolted for the door. Truth be told, Jim and I were having a good time with the kids, and were both amazed at how quickly they had adapted to us.
Some of our immediate observations were that they both had very healthy appetites, eating their applesauce and cheese as morning snacks, along with a few gummy bears for dessert! Angelica is one tough cookie as she would easily bump into things and/or fall down but recovers quickly (she is two years old and still trying to master walking). Most of the time she'll point to the area on her body that was impacted, usually a knee or elbow, and once we acknowledged it she went right back to what she was doing...no tears or screaming involved at all. Even though Ronald had just turned four years old 
two months prior to our visit, he still wasn't potty trained. This became apparent while he was sitting next to Jim and they were reading a book together. In the middle of the story Jim and I both hear Ronald say "Owie," even though he was sitting perfectly still in his chair. What we quickly learned is that the translation for "owie" is actually "I just pooped in my pants/diaper!" Fortunately for us the social worker came into the room and changed his diaper. In that moment we both looked at each other and thought, "Hopefully they'll be potty trained by the time we get them."
After our visit was over Jim and I went to lunch to recap the past three hours. At 1:00pm we were having a follow-up meeting with the social worker. We were both somewhat drained by the time we sat down for lunch, not so much from being with the kids, but just the entire experience of driving for nine hours the previous day, etc. But for both of us it was a pretty easy decision to make...we wanted to be their foster/adoptive parents, potty trained or not!
After lunch we had a productive meeting with the social worker where we outlined next steps, etc. The first step was to get the ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) process started, which the social worker in Nevada would initiate. Most states have an ICPC unit that works with other states when there is an interstate foster/adoption that is taking place. Essentially, this opens the dialog between the social worker(s) in Washoe County (Nevada), where the children reside, with the social worker(s) in Riverside County (California), where we reside. Once the ICPC has been initiated then the next step is for Jim and I to fill out a detailed application/questionnaire and have a home inspection (that will be a separate blog entry).
Once we were finished at the social worker's office we went back to our hotel room to crash for a little while and hang out with Humphrey. Later that afternoon we went over to my mom's apartment (Humphrey came along) to visit with her, as well as with my older niece Leslee (my sister's first born who is 18 and half-sister to Ronald and Angelica) and her 15-month old son, Julian. Humphrey always enjoys meeting new people, and my mom and niece were no exception. But when I picked up Julian and held him on my lap for a few minutes Humphrey became extremely jealous and practically plastered himself next to me to vie for my attention. It was the funniest thing to watch, and everyone had a big laugh, except of course for Humphrey! That evening Jim and I went to the Peppermill for a wonderful and relaxing meal (from now on we'll need to seize these moments when we can), before heading back to the hotel and passing out.
The next morning we were on the road by 9:00am...again, requiring a pit stop at a Starbucks on the way out of town (plus at least one more on our drive back to Palm Springs!). All in all, the drive home was uneventful, but rather scenic at the same time. I know I was much more relaxed on the drive home than on the drive up. Any tension and/or anxiety I was feeling in anticipation of meeting the kids was completely gone. Humphrey seemed more relaxed as well. He could not have been a better passenger throughout the entire trip...except for all of the dog hair that accumulated in the back seat...LOL! Time will tell how he'll adjust when there are two car seats in the back seat with him.
--Thomas
Come Saturday we loaded up Jim's car (a VW GTI 2 door w/hatchback) with our luggage in the hatchback area and Humphrey taking domain of the entire back seat. The longest Humphrey had ever been in a car was for two hours, so this was going to prove interesting. We got ourselves into Orange County easily and checked into our hotel. We had a GREAT time at the Fair (see Jim with the Llama) and at the Duran Duran concert (Jim LOVES 80's music)! That
night we got back to our hotel and decided to have a drink in the lounge before turning in for the night. Since we were staying at a pet friendly hotel (the Westin) we made sure Humphrey was able to join us for cocktail hour...sorry buddy, but no wine for the canine.The next morning the three of us got back on the road at 11:00am and started our journey north to Reno. We decided to take highway 395 as that seemed to be a more direct route into Reno from the south rather than driving up to Sacramento and then cutting over to the east. What we didn't realize is that some parts of the highway are just one lane in each direction. Also, who knew there were so many small (don't blink!) towns in central California (and only one had a Starbucks!)?! After nine hours on the road (Jim drove the entire way!) we pulled into Reno at about 8:00pm. Even though Reno is a 24 hour town we were making an early night of it as we had to meet with the social worker at 8:30am, and a pit stop at Starbucks beforehand was going to be a requirement!
We arrived at the social worker's office at about 8:45am, due to me driving us to an address on N. Center street rather than S. Center. Apparently having lived in Reno for nine years (1979 - 1988) didn't come in handy. After a brief discussion with the social worker it was time to meet Ronald and Angelica for the very first time. Monday mornings at 9:00am is when they normally visit with their mom and dad, so when they looked up and saw us you could tell from their faces they knew something was different. The social worker made the introductions explaining that their mom and I were brother and sister just like the two of them...this still wasn't making much sense to them. But once they realized we came bearing gifts, any awkwardness or shyness disappeared rather quickly! They tore into the wrapping paper and immediately started to play with the toys (yes, they were educational) we bought for them. After that it didn't take too long before we were in their good graces...it was as if we were long lost friends being reunited.
Some of our immediate observations were that they both had very healthy appetites, eating their applesauce and cheese as morning snacks, along with a few gummy bears for dessert! Angelica is one tough cookie as she would easily bump into things and/or fall down but recovers quickly (she is two years old and still trying to master walking). Most of the time she'll point to the area on her body that was impacted, usually a knee or elbow, and once we acknowledged it she went right back to what she was doing...no tears or screaming involved at all. Even though Ronald had just turned four years old 
two months prior to our visit, he still wasn't potty trained. This became apparent while he was sitting next to Jim and they were reading a book together. In the middle of the story Jim and I both hear Ronald say "Owie," even though he was sitting perfectly still in his chair. What we quickly learned is that the translation for "owie" is actually "I just pooped in my pants/diaper!" Fortunately for us the social worker came into the room and changed his diaper. In that moment we both looked at each other and thought, "Hopefully they'll be potty trained by the time we get them."After lunch we had a productive meeting with the social worker where we outlined next steps, etc. The first step was to get the ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) process started, which the social worker in Nevada would initiate. Most states have an ICPC unit that works with other states when there is an interstate foster/adoption that is taking place. Essentially, this opens the dialog between the social worker(s) in Washoe County (Nevada), where the children reside, with the social worker(s) in Riverside County (California), where we reside. Once the ICPC has been initiated then the next step is for Jim and I to fill out a detailed application/questionnaire and have a home inspection (that will be a separate blog entry).
Once we were finished at the social worker's office we went back to our hotel room to crash for a little while and hang out with Humphrey. Later that afternoon we went over to my mom's apartment (Humphrey came along) to visit with her, as well as with my older niece Leslee (my sister's first born who is 18 and half-sister to Ronald and Angelica) and her 15-month old son, Julian. Humphrey always enjoys meeting new people, and my mom and niece were no exception. But when I picked up Julian and held him on my lap for a few minutes Humphrey became extremely jealous and practically plastered himself next to me to vie for my attention. It was the funniest thing to watch, and everyone had a big laugh, except of course for Humphrey! That evening Jim and I went to the Peppermill for a wonderful and relaxing meal (from now on we'll need to seize these moments when we can), before heading back to the hotel and passing out.
The next morning we were on the road by 9:00am...again, requiring a pit stop at a Starbucks on the way out of town (plus at least one more on our drive back to Palm Springs!). All in all, the drive home was uneventful, but rather scenic at the same time. I know I was much more relaxed on the drive home than on the drive up. Any tension and/or anxiety I was feeling in anticipation of meeting the kids was completely gone. Humphrey seemed more relaxed as well. He could not have been a better passenger throughout the entire trip...except for all of the dog hair that accumulated in the back seat...LOL! Time will tell how he'll adjust when there are two car seats in the back seat with him.
--Thomas
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Kids on the Radar
After my conversation with the social worker, Jim and I had the "do you want kids" conversation. Truth be told, having children was not on the radar, or even a blip on the edge of the radar screen for the two of us. For me, I had been somewhat open minded that if I ever met someone who had a child(ren) that it wouldn't be an automatic "no" to dating them...but, truth-be-told, I wasn't seeking out someone who really fit that profile either. Additionally, being a gay man and approaching my mid-forties I felt that my "biological clock" had come to a screeching halt and my days of parenthood had faded away. But when it involves your immediate family the perspective shifts. This isn't directed at my sister and her personal predicament, but rather for the two young children, who by no fault of their own, have had their lives and any sense of stability and normalcy quickly derailed. For me, it was important to remain open-minded and not be too quick to make a decision one way or another. I needed to do some soul searching, gather the facts, and talk to some people. Maybe there was a reason why I was living directly across the street from an elementary school. In all the places I've lived, and there have been quite a few, I have never been in such close proximity to a school...maybe it was a sign?!
As more time went by, Jim and I had the opportunity to discuss this important topic on several occasions...at the dining room table, in the pool, over a glass of wine, or whenever we would hear a screaming/crying child in the grocery store or at Target! We could never come up with a valid reason for not stepping in and being considered as foster/adoptive parents. Granted, our relationship was relatively new at this point (we had been dating for about 3 months), but we had a 9 year history between us, and we are, without a doubt, both relationship oriented and already very committed to one another! But were we family and kid oriented??? This would certainly bring an abundance of change, not only to our relationship, but also as individuals. Now just because I'm using the word "change" doesn't mean it's a bad thing...quite the contrary. It would be a change unlike anything either one of us ever thought we would experience in our lives...the opportunity to build a family with two young children, and to provide them with a stable and loving environment, which they deserve to have in their lives...just as every child deserves to have that.
But growing up as a gay man the idea of having a family is something that was held off way in the distance...practically non-existent. This is partly because society dictates (and most religions) that a family is to only be created between a man and a woman, and nurtured by a father and a mother. Jim and I are both products of divorces and have subsequently been raised by a single parent, or have been bounced back and forth between parents. Then there is the re-marriage and step-siblings and/or half-siblings that get folded into the family dynamic. But wait a minute, there are parents that don't even get married, or before the child is born there is only one parent while the other is absent indefinitely. Twenty five to thirty years ago there weren't any gay family role models for a pubescent, voice cracking, and sexually confused fourteen year old. We didn't have a Will & Grace back then, and everyone was led to believe that Liberace and Elton John were bisexual...give me a break! So, times have definitely changed, and having same-sexed parents is not that unusual anymore. Rosie O'Donnell and her spouse, Kelli, have an entire business, R Family Vacations that caters to same-sex parental families, and their friends and families, for cruises and events. Yes, it's a different world out there, but there is still room for a lot of improvements, such as legalizing gay marriage and allowing single gays and lesbians, as well as same-sex couples to adopt children in EVERY state! What seems to be forgotten in this debate is what is best for the child(ren). I think it's pretty simple...they want to feel safe and secure, they desire stability, and crave loving parent(s). Having two moms or two dads should be considered a bonus!
At this point it's safe to assume that we decided to go forward with the process...but we wanted to meet the kids first!
--Thomas
As more time went by, Jim and I had the opportunity to discuss this important topic on several occasions...at the dining room table, in the pool, over a glass of wine, or whenever we would hear a screaming/crying child in the grocery store or at Target! We could never come up with a valid reason for not stepping in and being considered as foster/adoptive parents. Granted, our relationship was relatively new at this point (we had been dating for about 3 months), but we had a 9 year history between us, and we are, without a doubt, both relationship oriented and already very committed to one another! But were we family and kid oriented??? This would certainly bring an abundance of change, not only to our relationship, but also as individuals. Now just because I'm using the word "change" doesn't mean it's a bad thing...quite the contrary. It would be a change unlike anything either one of us ever thought we would experience in our lives...the opportunity to build a family with two young children, and to provide them with a stable and loving environment, which they deserve to have in their lives...just as every child deserves to have that.
But growing up as a gay man the idea of having a family is something that was held off way in the distance...practically non-existent. This is partly because society dictates (and most religions) that a family is to only be created between a man and a woman, and nurtured by a father and a mother. Jim and I are both products of divorces and have subsequently been raised by a single parent, or have been bounced back and forth between parents. Then there is the re-marriage and step-siblings and/or half-siblings that get folded into the family dynamic. But wait a minute, there are parents that don't even get married, or before the child is born there is only one parent while the other is absent indefinitely. Twenty five to thirty years ago there weren't any gay family role models for a pubescent, voice cracking, and sexually confused fourteen year old. We didn't have a Will & Grace back then, and everyone was led to believe that Liberace and Elton John were bisexual...give me a break! So, times have definitely changed, and having same-sexed parents is not that unusual anymore. Rosie O'Donnell and her spouse, Kelli, have an entire business, R Family Vacations that caters to same-sex parental families, and their friends and families, for cruises and events. Yes, it's a different world out there, but there is still room for a lot of improvements, such as legalizing gay marriage and allowing single gays and lesbians, as well as same-sex couples to adopt children in EVERY state! What seems to be forgotten in this debate is what is best for the child(ren). I think it's pretty simple...they want to feel safe and secure, they desire stability, and crave loving parent(s). Having two moms or two dads should be considered a bonus!
At this point it's safe to assume that we decided to go forward with the process...but we wanted to meet the kids first!
--Thomas
Thursday, August 13, 2009
A Little History
In early May 2009 I received a letter from the Department of Social Services--Children's Services of Washoe County (covering Reno, Nevada) asking me to contact a social worker about an URGENT matter! As soon as I saw "Department of Social Services" on the return address of the envelope I was pretty sure this had something to do with my sister, who is 4 years younger than me. As I unfolded the letter and saw "Children's Services" on the letterhead I immediately felt that whatever the URGENT matter was it probably had something to do with my sister's two youngest children.
As soon as Jim got home from work I called the social worker and was in fact notified that my sister's two youngest children, ages 4 and 2, had been in foster care since November 2008! I wasn't entirely shocked to hear this news...my sister, who is now 40 years old, has a long history of struggling to try and stay afloat. First with her two older children, ages 17 and 16 (a different father from the younger two), who hadn't been living with my sister for at least four years (not in foster care but with family and/or friends). Since having children my sister has always been on some kind of public assistance. What I was mostly shocked by is that this was the first time, in about six months, I was hearing about the unfortunate situation that my nephew and niece had been placed in. My mom, who also lives in Reno, hadn't said a word, but she and I had not been in communication with each other for about six months (that's another blog!).
The main reason for the social worker making contact was to see if I had any interest in becoming a foster/adoptive parent to both children in the event that the parental rights of the biological parents were to be terminated. She went on to explain that each parent has twelve months to achieve specific objectives, but if neither were to meet all of their objectives then the County would be required by law to submit a request to have the parental rights terminated. With just six months remaining the social worker was making calls to family members to see who might be interested.
The social worker wasn't able to provide details about the objectives each parent has to meet (this is confidential), but she was able to tell me the circumstances that the children were taken into protective custody and placed in foster care. In late October 2008 my sister was evicted from her apartment for not being able to pay the rent (even though she was in Section 8 housing) and ended up in a homeless shelter for women. She was given two weeks to try and land back on her feet and provide permanent housing for herself and the children, but as soon as that period of time elapsed the children were taken from her. Even though I'm not a parent (at least not yet) I can still imagine how horrible it must feel to know that you're not able to provide adequately for your children, and then to have them taken away from you. Ultimately, it's necessary to do what is best for the children and to look out for their best interests, but it doesn't numb the heartbreak that a parent must feel.
During this initial phone call I learned that Ronald (age 4) had been classified as a special needs child because he wasn't where he should be for his age developmentally, especially as it pertained to his speech and vocabulary. Angelica (age 2) was doing well, but there was a slight concern that she wasn't where she should be in terms of her own development either, although not as serious as Ronald. The social worker went on to explain that during the first month of placement the children were in a home where Spanish was primarily spoken, which as you can imagine wasn't the best environment for a child who was having challenges with the English language! With that, they were both moved to another foster home that has proven to be a better fit for them.
"Would you like to be considered?" the social worker asked me bluntly. I was taken aback at how casual the question was asked...it's not like I was having to choose between DirecTV and Time Warner Cable, or white versus red wine with dinner. This would be a life altering decision...continue to remain childless and carefree or focus on being a good parent for the rest of my life (and possible grandparent...yikes!). I told the social worker that I wanted to give this some serious consideration before making a decision and that I needed to discuss this with Jim as well. She was respectful of my request and we agreed to follow-up with each other in a couple of weeks. Needless to say I had a lot to think about, and a lot to discuss with Jim. Our relationship was relatively new at this point (although we had known each other for 9.5 years) and the "do you want to have kids" conversation hadn't happened yet. Guess what...we were about to have it!!!
---Thomas
As soon as Jim got home from work I called the social worker and was in fact notified that my sister's two youngest children, ages 4 and 2, had been in foster care since November 2008! I wasn't entirely shocked to hear this news...my sister, who is now 40 years old, has a long history of struggling to try and stay afloat. First with her two older children, ages 17 and 16 (a different father from the younger two), who hadn't been living with my sister for at least four years (not in foster care but with family and/or friends). Since having children my sister has always been on some kind of public assistance. What I was mostly shocked by is that this was the first time, in about six months, I was hearing about the unfortunate situation that my nephew and niece had been placed in. My mom, who also lives in Reno, hadn't said a word, but she and I had not been in communication with each other for about six months (that's another blog!).
The main reason for the social worker making contact was to see if I had any interest in becoming a foster/adoptive parent to both children in the event that the parental rights of the biological parents were to be terminated. She went on to explain that each parent has twelve months to achieve specific objectives, but if neither were to meet all of their objectives then the County would be required by law to submit a request to have the parental rights terminated. With just six months remaining the social worker was making calls to family members to see who might be interested.
The social worker wasn't able to provide details about the objectives each parent has to meet (this is confidential), but she was able to tell me the circumstances that the children were taken into protective custody and placed in foster care. In late October 2008 my sister was evicted from her apartment for not being able to pay the rent (even though she was in Section 8 housing) and ended up in a homeless shelter for women. She was given two weeks to try and land back on her feet and provide permanent housing for herself and the children, but as soon as that period of time elapsed the children were taken from her. Even though I'm not a parent (at least not yet) I can still imagine how horrible it must feel to know that you're not able to provide adequately for your children, and then to have them taken away from you. Ultimately, it's necessary to do what is best for the children and to look out for their best interests, but it doesn't numb the heartbreak that a parent must feel.
During this initial phone call I learned that Ronald (age 4) had been classified as a special needs child because he wasn't where he should be for his age developmentally, especially as it pertained to his speech and vocabulary. Angelica (age 2) was doing well, but there was a slight concern that she wasn't where she should be in terms of her own development either, although not as serious as Ronald. The social worker went on to explain that during the first month of placement the children were in a home where Spanish was primarily spoken, which as you can imagine wasn't the best environment for a child who was having challenges with the English language! With that, they were both moved to another foster home that has proven to be a better fit for them.
"Would you like to be considered?" the social worker asked me bluntly. I was taken aback at how casual the question was asked...it's not like I was having to choose between DirecTV and Time Warner Cable, or white versus red wine with dinner. This would be a life altering decision...continue to remain childless and carefree or focus on being a good parent for the rest of my life (and possible grandparent...yikes!). I told the social worker that I wanted to give this some serious consideration before making a decision and that I needed to discuss this with Jim as well. She was respectful of my request and we agreed to follow-up with each other in a couple of weeks. Needless to say I had a lot to think about, and a lot to discuss with Jim. Our relationship was relatively new at this point (although we had known each other for 9.5 years) and the "do you want to have kids" conversation hadn't happened yet. Guess what...we were about to have it!!!
---Thomas
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)