After our return home from Reno, there was a period of silence. For me, it felt a little like we were passing through the eye of a hurricane. The numerous conversations, the visit, and making our final decision were in the past. Ahead of us loomed a LOT of additional work and change. For the moment, though, things were mellow. I felt equilibrium returning.
While we were relaxing (probably floating in the pool) Washoe County kicked off the ICPC process. First, Washoe County prepared and submitted their ICPC paperwork to the State of Nevada. The State of Nevada then sent the paperwork to the State of California, who, in turn, sent it to Riverside County’s Department of Public Social Services. Then Riverside County assigned an ICPC social worker to the case, who promptly sent us a GINORMOUS packet of paperwork. This process only took about two weeks, which seems shockingly fast for something so complicated.
The packet from Riverside County included a very nice cover letter, some information about the various resources available to us, a list of requirements our home had to meet, and an exceptionally long questionnaire. The questionnaire covered a multitude of different areas, including our residential histories, work histories, relationship histories and medical histories. There was also a long section devoted entirely to essay questions, like "How were you disciplined as a child?" and "How do you solve problems?"
The questionnaire also asked us to provide several personal references. It wasn’t clear at the time, but Riverside County wanted this information so they could send THEM some documentation to complete and return.
We were also asked to provide a scale drawing of the entire home, as well as the outside areas. Go figure.
Pretty much every aspect of our lives, including the most private/personal aspects, was scrutinized for the sole purpose of evaluating our suitability as potential parents. While I definitely understand (and support) the need for this level of scrutiny-- I don't want to gloss over the depth of the information requested. For anybody considering becoming a foster/adoptive parent... BE READY. They want to see/know everything. Warts and all. Like it or not.
Thomas kicked into high "project manager mode," and we had the entire packet completed and in the mail within the next several days. :-)
Next, it was time to ensure our home was child-friendly enough to pass muster during Riverside County’s home inspection.
The first concern was the pool in our backyard. The County recommends you install a safety fence around the perimeter to block access. For renters, this is a pretty expensive solution. Thomas did a ton of diligence to see if we could find a viable solution that wouldn’t break the bank. It turns out there’s no such thing as an inexpensive perimeter fence. Laying out the money seemed premature, since we weren’t even sure the kids would be placed with us. Thomas made several calls to our Washoe County and Riverside County social workers to see if there was another acceptable solution. It turns out that door alarms meet Riverside County’s requirements, and in short order—we installed six of them. At the request of our Riverside County social worker, we later added a door knob guard to the one conventional door leading to the backyard.
Next, we needed to ensure that everything on the “dangerous stuff” list was inaccessible to the little ones. A sweep of the house revealed that wine, cleaning products, more wine, tools, kitchen utensils, medication, some more wine, and anything of an adult nature, needed to find a new home. Most of the stuff was moved to upper cabinets. The tools were re-homed to a locked utility room. Medication was protected behind a magnetic child-lock in the master bathroom. Things of an adult nature were very carefully placed in out-of-reach places.
Here’s where I need to give Thomas a whole bunch of props. They’re due. I was knee-deep in Summer quarter at CSUSB during this process, and Thomas did nearly all of the heavy lifting by himself. I helped when I could get away from my homework, but it wasn’t nearly enough. Thomas is an amazing partner, and will make a fantastic Dad.
The home inspection took place on August 20th, roughly five weeks after our Reno trip. Time flies!
We were convinced the home inspection would be some kind of white-glove walk-through of the house, where every drawer, door, and cabinet would be thoroughly examined. Far from it! Thomas and I gave the social worker a tour, where she shot several pictures of the place. The door alarms were photographed. Humphrey was photographed. Thomas and I were photographed. Then, we proceeded to the interview portion of the program.
During the interview, Thomas and I got to revisit every detail of the questionnaire we’d previously completed. I can’t speak for Thomas (especially since his past is far less “colorful” than mine), but this round of questioning was even more uncomfortable. Revealing things you’re not proud of, or things that make you uneasy, to a piece of paper is one thing. Reiterating these things to a living, breathing person is quite another. Thankfully I survived, as did Thomas.
After three hours under the microscope, the interview ended. But there was more to come!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Meeting for the Very First Time
Before Jim and I made our final decision about the prospect of becoming the foster/adoptive parents of Ronald and Angelica, we thought it was important (and smart of us) to meet them first. Even though they are my niece and nephew I had never met them before. We coordinated the visit with the social worker and decided on Monday, July 13th. I was taking Jim to see Duran Duran at the Orange County Fair on Saturday, July 11th, so it just made sense to extend our road trip up to Reno...after all it was only another nine hours of driving (each way)! In finalizing the details of the visit with the social worker she originally had us scheduled to spend five hours with the kids, from 9am to 2pm. We both felt that was a little excessive, especially for a first visit, not only for us but also for the kids, so we scaled it back to about three hours instead.
Come Saturday we loaded up Jim's car (a VW GTI 2 door w/hatchback) with our luggage in the hatchback area and Humphrey taking domain of the entire back seat. The longest Humphrey had ever been in a car was for two hours, so this was going to prove interesting. We got ourselves into Orange County easily and checked into our hotel. We had a GREAT time at the Fair (see Jim with the Llama) and at the Duran Duran concert (Jim LOVES 80's music)! That
night we got back to our hotel and decided to have a drink in the lounge before turning in for the night. Since we were staying at a pet friendly hotel (the Westin) we made sure Humphrey was able to join us for cocktail hour...sorry buddy, but no wine for the canine.
The next morning the three of us got back on the road at 11:00am and started our journey north to Reno. We decided to take highway 395 as that seemed to be a more direct route into Reno from the south rather than driving up to Sacramento and then cutting over to the east. What we didn't realize is that some parts of the highway are just one lane in each direction. Also, who knew there were so many small (don't blink!) towns in central California (and only one had a Starbucks!)?! After nine hours on the road (Jim drove the entire way!) we pulled into Reno at about 8:00pm. Even though Reno is a 24 hour town we were making an early night of it as we had to meet with the social worker at 8:30am, and a pit stop at Starbucks beforehand was going to be a requirement!
We arrived at the social worker's office at about 8:45am, due to me driving us to an address on N. Center street rather than S. Center. Apparently having lived in Reno for nine years (1979 - 1988) didn't come in handy. After a brief discussion with the social worker it was time to meet Ronald and Angelica for the very first time. Monday mornings at 9:00am is when they normally visit with their mom and dad, so when they looked up and saw us you could tell from their faces they knew something was different. The social worker made the introductions explaining that their mom and I were brother and sister just like the two of them...this still wasn't making much sense to them. But once they realized we came bearing gifts, any awkwardness or shyness disappeared rather quickly! They tore into the wrapping paper and immediately started to play with the toys (yes, they were educational) we bought for them. After that it didn't take too long before we were in their good graces...it was as if we were long lost friends being reunited.
The social worker was terrific about coming into the room every 15-20 minutes to check in on us, or maybe she was making sure we hadn't bolted for the door. Truth be told, Jim and I were having a good time with the kids, and were both amazed at how quickly they had adapted to us.
Some of our immediate observations were that they both had very healthy appetites, eating their applesauce and cheese as morning snacks, along with a few gummy bears for dessert! Angelica is one tough cookie as she would easily bump into things and/or fall down but recovers quickly (she is two years old and still trying to master walking). Most of the time she'll point to the area on her body that was impacted, usually a knee or elbow, and once we acknowledged it she went right back to what she was doing...no tears or screaming involved at all. Even though Ronald had just turned four years old 
two months prior to our visit, he still wasn't potty trained. This became apparent while he was sitting next to Jim and they were reading a book together. In the middle of the story Jim and I both hear Ronald say "Owie," even though he was sitting perfectly still in his chair. What we quickly learned is that the translation for "owie" is actually "I just pooped in my pants/diaper!" Fortunately for us the social worker came into the room and changed his diaper. In that moment we both looked at each other and thought, "Hopefully they'll be potty trained by the time we get them."
After our visit was over Jim and I went to lunch to recap the past three hours. At 1:00pm we were having a follow-up meeting with the social worker. We were both somewhat drained by the time we sat down for lunch, not so much from being with the kids, but just the entire experience of driving for nine hours the previous day, etc. But for both of us it was a pretty easy decision to make...we wanted to be their foster/adoptive parents, potty trained or not!
After lunch we had a productive meeting with the social worker where we outlined next steps, etc. The first step was to get the ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) process started, which the social worker in Nevada would initiate. Most states have an ICPC unit that works with other states when there is an interstate foster/adoption that is taking place. Essentially, this opens the dialog between the social worker(s) in Washoe County (Nevada), where the children reside, with the social worker(s) in Riverside County (California), where we reside. Once the ICPC has been initiated then the next step is for Jim and I to fill out a detailed application/questionnaire and have a home inspection (that will be a separate blog entry).
Once we were finished at the social worker's office we went back to our hotel room to crash for a little while and hang out with Humphrey. Later that afternoon we went over to my mom's apartment (Humphrey came along) to visit with her, as well as with my older niece Leslee (my sister's first born who is 18 and half-sister to Ronald and Angelica) and her 15-month old son, Julian. Humphrey always enjoys meeting new people, and my mom and niece were no exception. But when I picked up Julian and held him on my lap for a few minutes Humphrey became extremely jealous and practically plastered himself next to me to vie for my attention. It was the funniest thing to watch, and everyone had a big laugh, except of course for Humphrey! That evening Jim and I went to the Peppermill for a wonderful and relaxing meal (from now on we'll need to seize these moments when we can), before heading back to the hotel and passing out.
The next morning we were on the road by 9:00am...again, requiring a pit stop at a Starbucks on the way out of town (plus at least one more on our drive back to Palm Springs!). All in all, the drive home was uneventful, but rather scenic at the same time. I know I was much more relaxed on the drive home than on the drive up. Any tension and/or anxiety I was feeling in anticipation of meeting the kids was completely gone. Humphrey seemed more relaxed as well. He could not have been a better passenger throughout the entire trip...except for all of the dog hair that accumulated in the back seat...LOL! Time will tell how he'll adjust when there are two car seats in the back seat with him.
--Thomas
Come Saturday we loaded up Jim's car (a VW GTI 2 door w/hatchback) with our luggage in the hatchback area and Humphrey taking domain of the entire back seat. The longest Humphrey had ever been in a car was for two hours, so this was going to prove interesting. We got ourselves into Orange County easily and checked into our hotel. We had a GREAT time at the Fair (see Jim with the Llama) and at the Duran Duran concert (Jim LOVES 80's music)! That
night we got back to our hotel and decided to have a drink in the lounge before turning in for the night. Since we were staying at a pet friendly hotel (the Westin) we made sure Humphrey was able to join us for cocktail hour...sorry buddy, but no wine for the canine.The next morning the three of us got back on the road at 11:00am and started our journey north to Reno. We decided to take highway 395 as that seemed to be a more direct route into Reno from the south rather than driving up to Sacramento and then cutting over to the east. What we didn't realize is that some parts of the highway are just one lane in each direction. Also, who knew there were so many small (don't blink!) towns in central California (and only one had a Starbucks!)?! After nine hours on the road (Jim drove the entire way!) we pulled into Reno at about 8:00pm. Even though Reno is a 24 hour town we were making an early night of it as we had to meet with the social worker at 8:30am, and a pit stop at Starbucks beforehand was going to be a requirement!
We arrived at the social worker's office at about 8:45am, due to me driving us to an address on N. Center street rather than S. Center. Apparently having lived in Reno for nine years (1979 - 1988) didn't come in handy. After a brief discussion with the social worker it was time to meet Ronald and Angelica for the very first time. Monday mornings at 9:00am is when they normally visit with their mom and dad, so when they looked up and saw us you could tell from their faces they knew something was different. The social worker made the introductions explaining that their mom and I were brother and sister just like the two of them...this still wasn't making much sense to them. But once they realized we came bearing gifts, any awkwardness or shyness disappeared rather quickly! They tore into the wrapping paper and immediately started to play with the toys (yes, they were educational) we bought for them. After that it didn't take too long before we were in their good graces...it was as if we were long lost friends being reunited.
Some of our immediate observations were that they both had very healthy appetites, eating their applesauce and cheese as morning snacks, along with a few gummy bears for dessert! Angelica is one tough cookie as she would easily bump into things and/or fall down but recovers quickly (she is two years old and still trying to master walking). Most of the time she'll point to the area on her body that was impacted, usually a knee or elbow, and once we acknowledged it she went right back to what she was doing...no tears or screaming involved at all. Even though Ronald had just turned four years old 
two months prior to our visit, he still wasn't potty trained. This became apparent while he was sitting next to Jim and they were reading a book together. In the middle of the story Jim and I both hear Ronald say "Owie," even though he was sitting perfectly still in his chair. What we quickly learned is that the translation for "owie" is actually "I just pooped in my pants/diaper!" Fortunately for us the social worker came into the room and changed his diaper. In that moment we both looked at each other and thought, "Hopefully they'll be potty trained by the time we get them."After lunch we had a productive meeting with the social worker where we outlined next steps, etc. The first step was to get the ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) process started, which the social worker in Nevada would initiate. Most states have an ICPC unit that works with other states when there is an interstate foster/adoption that is taking place. Essentially, this opens the dialog between the social worker(s) in Washoe County (Nevada), where the children reside, with the social worker(s) in Riverside County (California), where we reside. Once the ICPC has been initiated then the next step is for Jim and I to fill out a detailed application/questionnaire and have a home inspection (that will be a separate blog entry).
Once we were finished at the social worker's office we went back to our hotel room to crash for a little while and hang out with Humphrey. Later that afternoon we went over to my mom's apartment (Humphrey came along) to visit with her, as well as with my older niece Leslee (my sister's first born who is 18 and half-sister to Ronald and Angelica) and her 15-month old son, Julian. Humphrey always enjoys meeting new people, and my mom and niece were no exception. But when I picked up Julian and held him on my lap for a few minutes Humphrey became extremely jealous and practically plastered himself next to me to vie for my attention. It was the funniest thing to watch, and everyone had a big laugh, except of course for Humphrey! That evening Jim and I went to the Peppermill for a wonderful and relaxing meal (from now on we'll need to seize these moments when we can), before heading back to the hotel and passing out.
The next morning we were on the road by 9:00am...again, requiring a pit stop at a Starbucks on the way out of town (plus at least one more on our drive back to Palm Springs!). All in all, the drive home was uneventful, but rather scenic at the same time. I know I was much more relaxed on the drive home than on the drive up. Any tension and/or anxiety I was feeling in anticipation of meeting the kids was completely gone. Humphrey seemed more relaxed as well. He could not have been a better passenger throughout the entire trip...except for all of the dog hair that accumulated in the back seat...LOL! Time will tell how he'll adjust when there are two car seats in the back seat with him.
--Thomas
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